Dawdling Torments

I waited for you at night,
When the sky was full of stars,
When the full moon was beaming upon me,
But you never came, and I was left all alone.

I waited for you in the rain,
To hold my hand and walk,
Amidst the Mother Nature,
But I was all there, soaked in my tears,
And no one was there to give me solace.

I waited for you on cold winter noon,
All I could hear soft rustling of fallen dry leaves,
Quite shivering the noon was,
And I waited for you to hug me, make me feel warm,
All I could do was to curl up my hands together to embrace myself.

I waited for you, and am still waiting,
And will wait forever,
No matter how much I will get soaked,
No matter how much alone I will feel,
No matter how much I will crave for the warmth,
But I will wait, and will...

A HEARFELT APOLOGY..

How do I tell you I'm sorry -

With a gesture, a look, a touch?

How is it I never realized

I hurt you so very much?

I do not ask forgiveness,

A comfort I'll never deserve.

I merely want to let you know,

But I cannot find the nerve.

To finally confront you, face-to-face,

To look you in the eye,

To face your wrath, your apathy -

Too terrified to try.

You called me selfish, I turned away,

I festered and I fled;

Cutting and wounding and lashing out,

Just to see if you bled.

Betraying and deceiving you,

I surely had no right

To snatch away such a precious gem;

A dark thief in the night.

Four days like forever passed

To bring me here this day,

When I present these simple words

I never thought to say.

The time has come, it's long past due,

To put aside my fear;

Would this confession torture you,

Or have you longed to hear?

To hear those two forbidden words,

To vanquish all the pain,

To understand my dearest wish:

To know you once again.

The days aged me remarkably,

Though they have not made me wise;

I do know I erred irrevocably -

For that I apologize.

Time.....let's think about it sometime.....

For everything there is a season,

And a time for every matter under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to seek, and a time to lose;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away;

A time to tear, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate,

A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Idling away on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I began thinking of how times change or rather how it changes us. The past few weeks have been the most tiring, tumultous and exhausting times I ever had, both mentally and physically. We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams. Some are with us, that's why we call them present. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Sometimes I feel that life is passing me by, not slowly either, but with ropes of steam and spark-spattered wheels and a hoarse roar of power or terror. It's passing, yet I'm the one who's doing all the moving.

We talk about those golden times that went past us and we did not even realise. You must have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by; but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by. The clock on the wall, the watch you're wearing on your wrist, every single beat of your heart, is a reminder of the time gone by. Watches are so named as a reminder - if you don't watch carefully what you do with your time, it will slip away from you. Time is the most undefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires.

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. With so much happening around you at any moment... we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless. Then there are people...hordes of them surrounding you ( or you surrounding them ) all the time, never a moment alone.. Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you but then how many of us do it...A handful of us maybe.

Every relationship starts as a fresh new season under the sun. It goes through all the seasonal changes and then it is bound to end. The bright spring, the burning summers, the replenishing rains, the rusty autumn and then the dry dead winters. At times we start taking people for granted..That marks the end of of what could have been a life long acquaintance or even more. The phone calls we are waiting for never come, the mails become a thing of the past and what is left in our memories is a faint old remembrance of how things were and then comes the realisation of why we let them be like what they are.

It is then that we realise or tend to, search for reasons or actions or deeds which could have have made a difference. We start repenting about the one phone call, the one "Hi " note, that could have kept everything going. Remorse fills up wwith agony and then it digs deep into us. Out of sheer desperation, we think of how we can turn back time, but then can we turn back anything that's unstoppable. Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. And you can't save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow. But does that mean, that we can sacrifice the present that is today for a better tomorrow or what could have been a different ending to the past stories. No we can't.

The human race has mastered everything, from wild beasts to the un-imaginable streches of science that has led us to new horizons everyday. We have come closer to being our own gods with the sciene of cloning and medicinal healing. but still time remains un-conquered. Rich people can't buy more hours. Neither can the poor people sell it to them for a living. Scientists can't invent new minutes. the clock can still have only twenty fours. We can't stop the sun from rising and sinking. But we can still do is plan for a better tomorrow. But planning alone is not enough. We need to put those plans into action. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

A wise man once said and I quote:

Old Time, in whose banks we deposit our notes

Is a miser who always wants guineas for groats;

He keeps all his customers still in arrears

By lending them minutes and charging them years.

‘Cheated’

My Present state of mind reads,

That I have been cheated far and wide!

People have used me to better their condition.

They have misused, and played, with my devotion.

I feel so doomed, thinking of how I fell in this trap,

The bait of which was laced with friendship, love and humility!

As I give a deep thought to this,

In my mind, some things start to take shape,

The people, and feeling blamed earlier, now don’t seem to be at mistake!

Love came along, with a bag full of Joy and Pain,

So how can the joy be mine and the pain be other’s mistake.

Love came by own choice and will leave the same way,

So how can I blame it, this way?

Friendship is a relation of trust, a feeling two individuals share,

Friendship hence is not bigger than friends,

No rights have I then to try, to change my friends!

I still feel cheated and it hurts a lot.

But, if friends and love aren’t the culprits, who is?

Thinking deeper and longer, I finally come to this realization

That I have been a victim of nothing, but my own expectation!!

FACADE 

I thought you were everything that I wanted.....

I thought you were everything that I ever had.....

All the memories that I treasured....

Are now running down in the form of tears.....

Leaving wet imprints on my cheeks!!!

The smile on my lips....

The blush on my cheeks...

The twinkle in my eyes...

Is now mocking me!!!

It just took a moment to fall in love with you.....

And it attained a new dimension every time I breathed!!!

Once in a blue moon our paths clashed...

And I received a smile!!!

It did its magic!!

Every time I dared to fly high

I found myself fallen apart

And now my heart is shattered into a million pieces

The painful aspect…almost unbearable…yet unspeakable…

You gave me a false sky to fly......

And now I’m dashed to the ground with a bitter reality!!!

Everyday my soul is burning….

Every moment my heart is crying…..

Your pretension did the magic....

Your ignorance made the way....

Your care, your concern burnt into ashes...

It made me realize that there was nothing....

But a façade of love, friendship and trust!!!

This one's to you....Guru Anna ( a.k.a. Anurag )...Ein herzliches Dankeschön!

A TRAGEDY CHRISTENED "LIFE "

Here I am sitting in my office late into the night… 

Pondering hard about life and how it has maneuvered on....

How it transformed from a maverick college time to a strictly professional life

but then where are those puerile fights and those laughter riots.....

How the tiny pocket money changed to big fat monthly paychecks 

but then why does it bring such negligible happiness…. 

How the dirty few tattered denim jeans changed to a brand new wardrobe 

but then why is there no one other than me to apportionate them..........

How a single platter of samosa changed to a large cheezy Pizza or burger 

But then what happened to my appetite, where is that wonted hunger….. 

Here I am sitting in my office late into the night… 

Pondering hard about life and how it has maneuvered on....

How a rusty bike always in reserve changed to one with a brimming fuel tank

but then why are there only a handful of places to journey on…… 

How a dingy coffee shop changed to a Cafe Coffee Day or Barista

but then why is that hangout always a bit too far away….. 

How a general class journey changed to an air conditioned executive business class 

but then why are there miserly less vacations for unrestrained enjoyment…. 

How a old assembled desktop changed to a swanky new branded laptop 

but then why is there always a dearth of time to switch it on………. 

Here I am sitting in my office late into the night… 

Pondering hard about life and how it has maneuvered on....

How a entire multitude of friends changed to a small bunch of office mates

but then why does every second after 8'o Clock feels like it's getting a bit too late…. 

How a limited value prepaid card changed to an unlimited CUG postpaid package 

but then why do pals tender very less calls & proffer even fewer messages…… 

Here I am sitting in my office late into the night… 

Pondering hard about life and how it has maneuvered on....

"You will never know love unless you surrender to it." --- "Fools Rush In"

LOVE – Can This be IT

I know how to fall in love with you,

And how to get you alongside.
I know being with you can make me smile,

And then I know it can make me cry.

I know there’s not much I know about you,

And I know there isn’t more to know,
because you don’t know how I feel for you,

And that’s enough for me to know.
But i don’t know how to forget you,

And I don’t know how to hate,
I don’t know because I don’t want to know,

That u have become my love, my life and fate.

I don’t know why I'm afraid to accept,

That this is love happening to me;
I don’t know why I fear,

That it will take you away from me.
I don’t know why I’m afraid to love,

As it’s the most wonderful feeling,
but I know if my heart breaks,

There won’t be any revealing…

Gladiators Fortnight @ Rod Laver Arena

The Australian Open'09 

 

          Wow........I just finished witnessing the most memorable display of tennis for a long long time (( six months is a long time when you are a tennis buff  )). Australian Open. The first Grand Slam of the year, and what an event it was.

          Fifteen days (( yes, it wasn’t fourteen days, the men's singles finale went past midnight, so technically it counts as a new date and day )) of the best tennis that we were all witness to. Many congratulations to all the winners and commiserations to those who could not make it to the winners’ podium this year. (( mind you, there are no losers here )).. Each one who makes the cut to play is a winner in his/her own right.

          The heat of Melbourne, could not recede the frivolity and enthusiasm of the extravaganza. Each and every point, won or lost, was cheered (( and jeered at times )) on in the same vein. In events like these, it never is about the players, but is always about the willpower, dedication, practice and perseverance that go on to the making of a champion. It is every players dream to be at the top of the ladder, to have perfection in every shot he plays, to be unassailable and yet be publicly admired, be a peoples’ champion, yet only a few achieve the ultimate goal.

           Sport is a great leveler, one day you win and be the talk of the town, the next day you end up on the wrong side and face the wrath of one and all.

During these trying times Self belief and Confidence taking a beating, but what differentiates great players from good players is their drive for greater glory and hunger for betterment.

This years’ event left sweet-bitter memories for all the ardent fans and critics alike. Fed Ex ( Roger ) played some very good tennis until he fell into the way of the juggernaut of Rafa ( Nadal ). His dream for the 14^th Grand slam title, would have to wait a bit longer, maybe till the next tournament. Let me not take away anything from him. He is a true champion and is bound to hit back at his detractors. (( Maybe next time when I blog about the Open, he already would have done that )). He still has enough in him to overtake PISTOL Pete as the most decorated player in the history of the game.

Rafael Nadal ( a.k.a Rafa a.k.a the Matador of Melbourne ), what an year he has had. Trophies at the Roland Garros, the Wimbledon, the Numero Uno ranking , Olympic Gold medal and now the Australian Open crown. At the moment he seems like General Maximus Decimus Meridius, the invincible. He has settled into the new order of World tennis like a duck takes to water.

          Then there were the others, warriors who fell at different stages after promising starts, be it Roddick, Verdasco, Murray or Djokovic. Some made their mark and others just disappointed.

          The Ladies section too began on a promising note but was thrown open after the exit of many top seeds. The crown was up for grabs and Serena powered her way to the title. It was sheer power and brutality on her part that blew Dinara Safina in the finals. Jankovic, Venus, Ana and Jelena fell early in the battleground for supremacy.

The Indian Connection

Closer, at home, there was some cheer too. Mahesh and Sania went on to win the Mixed Doubles title and Yuki Bhambri got the U-16 Boys crown. Hesh, however had to settle for the runners up tag in the men’s doubles, where he and partner Knowles were taken to task by the Bryan bros. Lee ( Paes ) lost in the semis after a fighting display.

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Epilogue

I have a wager going on with my flat mate and friend Tapan, and am quite content having already won a part of it. He rooted for roger to win, but then Nadal had other ideas and so did I. I’ll disclose the other part of the wager as things unfold in the near future.

Better luck next time, Tapan.

Hopefully Wimbledon proves to be Roger’s elusive slam number 14 though their still are the clay courts of Rolland Garros to conquer.

Roger’s emotional outburst at the presentation ceremony today moved quite a few hearts and I do confess, mine was one of them.

 

The World Wants Peace

I have a feeling and it needs to be told,

It is something I just can’t behold.

Such a thing, that for money, it can’t be sold,

It has been with me for ever and ever,

I can’t be jealous, to hide it forever.

 

Now, the time is ripe, I need not fear,

For, holding me back won’t make it dear.

With agony, plight and sorrow all around

I just can’t sit back and look around.

 

Hunger and sorrow pinch my heart

Making a fortune has become an art

They say “money can buy” anything you want

But “bags of gold” can’t buy back peace

And, peace is something the world really needs

 

For harmony and peace, we must strive

Ere, the forces of darkness strike, and

Turn the world dark, eerie and strife,

Let all of us make efforts to bring back light

Coz peace, brotherhood, love and hope

Are the beauteous virtues of humanity of yore!!!!!!