Relationships....not an easy job to make them last

I was thinking the other day about how people view relationships. And, in my opinion, plenty of people look at them the wrong way. There are some who look for Mr or Miss Right. The perfect person. Well, they don't exist. 
There are people who never start a relationship with someone because all they look at are the flaws. It amazes me how many people do this. "They are perfect, but she laughs weird" etc etc. These people do not know what it means to love. The feeling is just so consuming that you need to experience it to believe it.

There are people who, when in a relationship, look at the other person and only see the good things. The perfect things. This is also wrong. Telling the other person they are perfect, saying that there is nothing wrong with them. Seeing them as "Prince Charming" is not right. This puts a large amount of pressure on the person to "stay perfect".
The way a relationship should work is this. Both parties see the flaws and perfections in the other person, and ACCEPT them. 
"He laughs weird, but I don't care, I love his sense of humor!"
"She couldn't care less about makeup, but that's why I love her."

I've heard it from many, many, many couples. They love the other because of the imperfections. Because of their quirks. That is what makes a relationship work. You love the other person because of the way they are, both the good and the bad. It amazes me when people pick apart their ex's.
Why?
Just because you didn't like their hobbies doesn't mean everyone will hate them. 
If it didn't work out, it's because it didn't work out. No other reason. You like Opera, he likes Trance. If you can like the fact he likes it (not actually like Trance) then that's something that needs to be looked at.
All the couples that I see have plenty of things in common, and plenty of things that are not. And they accept that. There are no couples that have EVERYTHING in common. Its the differences that make it interesting. 

Speaking of things in common. You need at least SOMETHING in common. That's what creates the spark. May that be a common hatred of square beef patties, dogs, or the love of all things bald.
If there is nothing in common, the relationship won't work. If there is too much in common, it gets boring.

In my opinion a relationship needs an equal part of the following things.

Physical Attraction
Mental Attraction
Sexual Attraction (different from Physical Attraction)

Physical Attraction basically translates to being able to stand the sight of them, even in the worst possible situation. I'll put it this way, One day your lover has the stomach flu, and sadly its coming out both ends. Yeah, that is gross, but would you hold the bucket? Would you hold back their hair? Comfort them in this time of need? If you can say yes without hesitation, then their physical self is something you accept and love, good or bad.


Mental Attraction translates into being able to accept their mind. This is a mess of things. Anything from sense of humor, to their ability to spell. If you can put up with the fact that your significant other can spell better and they can put up your errors, then that's a start. Once again, its about accepting the perfections as well as the flaws. For example, I like this girl's way of looking at the world. As cynical as it may be, I love how many of her views match with mine as well as differ. And because of that, we enjoy having small discussions or debates about our views. 

Last but not least, Sexual Attraction. This final piece is one of the most difficult pieces for people to understand. This is not about how sexy you find them in their bathing suit. This is not about how aroused you get if they bend over. This is more about being comfortable with their sexual choices, and sexual profile. Its about being able to enjoy the experience with the other, not attempting to please the other. Sex is a two person event. Both people need to be enjoying it. If one person feels to much pressure to please the other, it's no longer shared pleasure. It becomes work for the one, and unsatisfying to the other. Being relaxed, having fun, and enjoying that time together is what Sexual Attraction is all about. Saying "I would fuck her." is Sexual Desire, "I bet we could come up with so many crazy things..." is Sexual Attraction.

I think you get the idea. I personally know of two couples who seem to know exactly what I am talking about, and follow these things every day. I also know a few couples who are in the dark about this, and they will fall apart. 

"When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself."
Relationships? Well, Sigmund. Relationships are so... fragile. It just takes one thing, one... tiny little offense, and it can snowball on ya. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you'd better tuck and go, my friend.

And bam! The shine's off the apple. And that's when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the "whoa-whoa, here she comes" kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dishtowel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. And of course, I have tormented her from time to time, but, honest to God, that's what I thought relationships are all about. Also being bluntly honest, I still love her so very much that not a single day passes when I don't think about her. More so because of the fact that I realized much later that this relationship ended not because she is a Man Eater, but because I was insensitive to her basic needs and wants. So much so, that, by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know who I hated more - her or me. I used to sit around and wonder... why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other, like we were. And here it turns out, the answer's pretty simple: They weren't un-necessarily unhappy. We were.

Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever, gimme a break. Seven out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do... believe in it. I am still hoping for a miracle to happen and wish things get back to normal every single day.  
Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something. I just did for Us  !!!!!!