The Dash called LIFE !!!!

I read of a man who stood to speak 
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on his tombstone
from the beginning… to the end. 

He noted that first came the date of his birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said that what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years. 

For that dash represents all the time 
that he spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved him
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house… the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile…
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

Observational Comedies !!!!

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.


4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


5. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard.
This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.


6. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?


7. Do you remember when you were a kid; playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.


8. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.


9. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.


10. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.


11. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


12. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.


13. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text


14. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say"


15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


16. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".


17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?


18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!


19. Everytime I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"


20. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?


21. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.


22. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


23. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.


24. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


25. Bad decisions make good stories.


26. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB-gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!


27. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?


28. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....


29. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.


30. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.


31. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.


32. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.


33. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this.It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'


34. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?


35. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.


36. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.


37. Why is a school zone 40kph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...


38. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.


39. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


40. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


41. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.


42. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey
- but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time...


43. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


44. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

SWOT Analysis of an Engineer

Strengths- 
Male engineers are the only species on this planet that can sleep with males from their own kind for around 4 years and still not turn homosexual. Such self-restraint usually stems from the prevalent delusion in the mind of an engineer (which, by the way, is a big empty town hall). He firmly believes that upon the completion of his engineering, he will be handed over a ‘Kingfisher model meets Arundhati Roy’ kind of bride along with his degree. Forget the former, only a few are actually able to receive the latter even. Talking of delusions, female engineers have their own set. They think they are God’s ‘beauty with brains’ prototype. However, the amount of attention received by them can be attributed to the old adage that beggars (read male engineers) cannot be choosers. But such delusions are what keep the economy going. No delusion means no engineering. No engineering means no engineers. No engineers mean no investment bankers, no authors, no social workers, no ad makers, no janitors etc. Get the point?
Engineers seem to have mastered the art of survival. Food- good, bad, ugly, none- engineers just don’t care! You can run an engineer on a 2Mbps internet connection for days without a break. Engineers don’t even take pee-breaks. That is because the only time an engineer pees (in his pants) is when the semester results are out, which is once every 4 months. A very modest frequency, if you ask me. Engineers love night-outs- Sleep is for mortals, not engineers. An engineer uses lesser water in a year than a normal human being does in a day. (However, the statistics for consumption of deodorant are reversed.) If you have a pack of cigarettes, you can easily employ 20 engineers for a day. But please mind the fact that their efficiency is inversely proportional to the number of days left to the deadline. Engineers can share everything from books to boxers. They are adept at adapting to unadoptable situations. Rajnikant was an engineer before he became Rajnikant.


Weaknesses- 
Contrary to popular belief, mathematics, and not girls is an engineer’s Kryptonite. Engineers stopped understanding math after standard 5. Since then, they have been only pretending to understand it. If you are wondering how come then, do engineers pass in engineering entrance exams? There’s a plain and simple logic to that. The entire gig is being run by engineers. They make sure that only the worst get through. Students with the potential to suck at math are selected and made to suck at it for another 4 years. At an engineering college, the only guys who really know math are the mess workers, the laundry man, the newspaper guy and the hostel guards. If your son can calculate 2+2 in under a minute without rushing to grab a calculator, then I’m sorry but I don’t think he’ll make it through JEE!
Girls finish a close second on the list (totally overrated) followed by TV series breathing down their neck at the third spot. Engineering students have been known to suffer from epileptic fits and seizures if they are unable to find the torrents for the latest episodes of American sitcoms. The only backlog an engineer actually dreads is a backlog in sitcoms. Again, an engineer’s method of watching sitcoms is entirely opposite to the conventional ‘one episode-per week-for several years’ approach that lesser mortals follow. The engineer adopts the ‘million episodes-from several years-in one week’ strategy to devour TV series like a black hole devours matter.
This addiction is a direct result of the enormous free time at the disposal of an engineer coupled with a belief that the central character of Sitcom X will one day transfer his traits to his devotee if he stuck with him for long enough (around 10 seasons). That explains why Barney and Dexter are so popular among engineers. After all, sense of humour and crisp looks definitely help in getting laid.


Opportunities- 
Numerous. No aspect of human life has been left untouched by engineers. From call centers to ‘One night @ call center’, from Deutche Bank to Dominoes, from Avatar to Avantador, from technicians to terrorists, you will find engineers all around you. The boogeyman under your kid’s bed-he’s a computer engineer who failed to make it to TCS. Engineers diversify and multiply faster than any bacteria or virus known to man.


Threats- 
Rajnikant, actual bankers, actual authors…basically every generic worker from a particular line of work. And Justin Bieber. And Lady Gaga.