Wondering how to say I Love You

I’m afraid to love you
Afraid the next time I reach for you you’ll turn away
Afraid that the memory of your lips will fade
That I’ll never taste their sweetness again
I’m afraid that the next time I see you
My heart will beat out of my chest

Unable to contain how you consume me
Silent or subtle I’ve been for months
Unsure of where I stood
Unsure of where I fit in your world
But as time passes and people change
I find the only consistency is my desire for you

They say ask and you shall receive
I am longing to ask you
Patience is the virtue I have always lacked
All I’ve ever wanted is reciprocity
For you to stay with me
Just one night to let me hold you

I don’t know how it would work
Where we would go
But how can you not be curious
The light shines on the other side of the moon
And I would move the heavens to create a space for your heart and mine
Tighter I feel my chest is getting

Every day that passes I wonder if you are remembering
How much you mean to me
I am afraid to love you
Afraid that if you know how much I feel
You will think it too much to take
Afraid that you wont tell me that you don’t feel the same

Even worse still you wont tell me if you do
Does your heart beat louder when the phone rings
Are you hoping that it’s me?
Does the hair on the back of your neck tingle
When you are sitting close to me

Do you wonder where I go when I’m not with you?
Do you wonder who I speak to when I am not speaking with you?
Are you scared to lose me?
Scared to love me
Are you afraid that it has all been a dream?

That our moment wasn’t real
That I don’t feel what you feel
Kiss me again
Let me hold your face in my hands one more time
Let me show you that you need to be mine
That I will cherish your heart with all that I have
That if you left tomorrow, never to come back

I would mourn the loss of you until the day i die
Infinite tears would be shed, on my pillow
Do not even bother asking why because you did this
You made this connection; I have not been able to shake it
You spend your time with those silly girls
And I am here trying to feign joy for you

Knowing they could never see the truth
That lies behind your eyes
They will never know how your voice changes when your smiling
Even over the phone, when your alone, and you don’t tell me
I can hear your smile and it makes me smile
Even if we were temporary the attempt would change my life
I would cross-oceans, climb mountains
Search the desert to find the key to your heart

I would hold it close to me
Let it become one with me
You are one for me
And yet I find myself afraid to tell you
Afraid you won’t feel the same
Afraid one day you wont remember my name
Afraid there will be a new him to yet again replace me

I don’t want to miss a lover
Couldn’t bear to lose a friend
Do you trust me?
Because I think I’m diving in
Will you catch me?
Because I’ve been falling since the day we met
Can you see me?

Because since we kissed
I’ve been floating high above the clouds
Wondering how to say
I love you

I do love the way you lie....Anger, anger, anger

A relationship is for two people who love each other, who want to love each other further more and spend all their time together. She didn't know what this really was, all she knew was what it felt like. It felt like a burning in her stomach. Every time he threw whatever he had in his hands, every time his face went through several emotions at once: despair, frustration, desperate sadness and anger- hot blinding anger; they clearly showed in his face every time she dared to spill a tear.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Well, that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and watch me cry?
Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie.

They swore to each other that they'd protect each other, never let anyone hurt them. But now they were spewing poison, hoping it hurt and seared. His fault, her fault, everything had ceased to matter, what mattered was the burning.

Everything she knew about him and everything he knew about her came handy, to throw personal insults, humiliate and embarrass. There were no conversations anymore, just strained small talk, wary of something banal turning into something offensive. They knew each other, but there was no more predicting anymore. He would get angry at something she intended to be funny, she would consider all his jokes as a personal attack, and from there on they spiraled into an abyss of white shrill screams and blue-black scars. Lying, cheating-- anything to make sure it hurt. Then they were only looking for excuses, anything to feel alive, anything for a thrill, anything to make it look like there was still something left in the relationship. But the only thing left, the only thing common between them was their furious, whip-lashing anger.


A common friend, a common place,
Covert winks and blushes,
Secret jokes and late night talks,
Holding hands and a walk across the park,
A blazing smile and a genuine beam,
Delicious kisses on the swing,
Saying the three words hesitantly, at first,
Then over and over, as if to confirm
First as a question, then as an answer
Then to assert and finally to revolt.
Of the many things we have in common
The one thing that stands out on its own, the most, is anger.
Blinding, cold blooded anger
Yours and mine,
Two forces of nature
against time.

drop me off at the eye of a hurricane

degraded decadence
professional nonchalance

a spot on jupiter's thighs
the surge of an oceanic feeling

bourbon breath
left-bank disposition

volatile spirits
brief texture of a thought

unrivalled imagination
mercury in the 1st House

madness endures
the illogical cusp of logic

bare bones 
bones bared

tahiti moonbaths
romancing deep waters

emblazoned sheets 
that supremely sovereign swagger

next stop
the eye of a hurricane